What was I saying….?

It’s Murphy’s law… I often think up really good posts when in the shower, or sometimes when brushing my teeth or doing something equally mundane. The problem comes in during the time between my “brilliant post” thought, and the time that I actually sit down in front of my PC with some spare time. You see, I have goldfish syndrome – the 8 second memory lapse. I really should start taking notes… What was I saying? Oh, yes…

Tam has graciously nominated me for a Rockin’ Girl Blogger award. I accepted with the same grace, but I don’t always feel that much of a Rockin‘ Blogger! Because all my brilliant posts are stored away in my very dodgy memory, never to be happened upon again! I also feel dwarfed by GIGANTICALLY ROCKIN‘ bloggers like Mel, JJ, Bumble, and the likes. But hey, here in my Secret Garden, I do my thing, blog my blog, and hope that someone out there is listening.

And so, in the spirit of this prestigious award, and without further ado, I proudly present my 5 nominees for…..

1. Bea: What can I say – between her humanitarian efforts, her very popular IF Film Festival, and her beautifully honest posts, this girl rocks! She is brave and strong, and has a particularly dry sense of humour that I love! Bea is waiting on the numbers after her low (but possible) doubling time, so spare her a thought during this time, and send her lots of “growing baby” thoughts.

2. From Here to Maternity: (the road less travelled): This rockin‘ chick tells it like it is, and never sugars up the truth. She is who she is, and I like her just that way. Forging her way to motherhood without much help, this girl deserves a medal for her efforts.

3. Stick Bun: I started reading her when she first started blogging, and I have always been blown away by her intelligent and interesting writing. Rock on! She has made it across the IF abyss, and I hope that her pregnancy is a smooth and joyful experience.

4. Cibele: I got to know Cibele through the Braces Bunch, and she is such a warm spirit. She has beaten the odds and on her journey to parenthood, and I daresay, it could not have happened to a nicer person. She also has a very strong faith, and I admire her trust in God through good and bad.

5. Tam: I have been lucky enough to meet Tam (twice!) IRL. She is kind, supportive and interesting. I feel so fortunate that blogging has brought such a wonderful person into my life, she is rockin‘ for sure! Tam is going au naturale for a while with her FET on ice (so to speak). Her and I are going to have play dates for our children that are coming to us in the no-too-distant future!

There are so many others that deserve a mention – you know who you are. (If you’re fabulous, and rockin’, then yes, I’m talking to YOU! 🙂

Just a quick update: off to the doc tomorrow. Hopefully I will get my protocol and then we’re away! As a side-note, BCP’s really do suck, and they do seem to drag on for all eternity… And Parl.odel isn’t that great either – it has many of the side effects of being pregnant without the actual joy of being pregnant. Things I’m grateful for: Debs making me a slice of hummus toast to try to alleviate the need to hurl! Got to love her 🙂

My! What Sad Looking Fish You Have There!

Well that was an anti-climax. Went to my BFG (sweet as honey, as usual) for my CD 12 scan. One follicle looking as plump as a ripened peach. Plenty secondary follicles. Lining, dismal. At 12 days it should be at least 10mm, and it is sitting at a disappointing 7mm. Nothing is simple hey.

When I first start reading other people’s blogs, I would see a long history of treatment, with IUI on Clomid, IUI on injectables, IVF, FET, IFV with ICSI, and so on. Although I too was doing some form of treatment, I was only on a very light dose of Clomid. I always thought, “Shame, these poor women that have to go through all this other horrible stuff.” It was a very fishbowl mentality. Me standing on the outside of the fishbowl looking in at the sad looking fishies. Now I am beginning to realise that I am right in the fish bowl with everybody else. I am not special. Nothing sets me apart form other people going through IF treatment.
Now I am facing the reality that I may have to do a third IUI with injectables, as the lining may not support the implantation process this time around. Apparently in addition to side effects like turning me into a tazmanian devil, Clomid can also cause thinning of the uterine lining, which is not good for implantation. My BFG, being the big sweet goof that he is, tries to comfort me by saying, “I don’t like to scare you by telling you my concerns, but I feel you must know what’s going on… it doesn’t mean you won’t fall pregnant this time.”
The thing is that it’s becoming a lot more real to me, and far more daunting. It sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself, and probably because I am. I know there are some of you thinking that I haven’t even touched the tip of the iceberg…. I haven’t – I don’t want to. I am not ineterested in scaling the summits of infertility. All I want is a BIG. FAT. POSITIVE. And a happily ever after. Is that too much to ask?