Off to see the wizards, the wonderful wizrds of ART….!

As a lot of you know, I have been TTC for about 5 years now. A lot of you may be wondering why it took us so long to consider ART. When I was 25 years old, my sister fell pregnant unexpectedly. My DH and I had been married for about 4 years, and we were quite settled. I became very broody spending time with my sister, and suggested to DH that we start a family.

Simple enough – I go off the pill and he chucks the condoms! We tried for a month or three with no success. I did a bit of research and found out that, at a certain time of a woman’s cycle, her temperature increases, and that it would be the perfect time to conceive. I went and bought myself a nifty little gadget called a basal body temperature (BBT) thermometer. The thermometer has got teeny tiny temperature markings on it, as the body temperature changes are so slight: blink and you’ll miss them. Every morning at dawn’s crack, I would stick the BBT thermometer under my tongue, and chart the findings like a sleepy scientist, and join the little dots together to form a crude graph. As soon as the graph had any major change, it was time to get on the job. I had great faith in this method. For a couple of months.

While this was going on I happened upon one of those Maybe Baby thingy’s. It’s this round microscope lens that fits onto what looks like a big grey lipstick tube. You have to spit onto the microscope glass, wait for the spit to dry and then check it out up close. What you are looking for are little fern-like wisps that will be more dense supposedly when you are ovulating and oestrogen levels are high. They would look something like this:
Lets just say I expended a lot of spit and was evetually dreaming about little ferns. I spat daily and carefully studied the findings like a very dry-mouthed scientist, and the results were dissapointing at best.
It was at this point that I decided to go and see a gynae about my dilemma. The first gynae on my illustrious list was Dr. G. She was a woman who could have been a man, who could have been a man who could have been a woman – follow? She was incredibly artistic and spent most of my very expensive consultation doing artists impressions of my reproductive organs. The ovary was a big black circle that she drew by going round and round and round and round and then dotting it in the middle for emphasis. She had an examination room that was lit up like Supersport Park at a day night cricket match. Her findings were simple. Reproductive organs: check. Intercourse: check. Sperm test: not that great but not that bad: check! “Just go home and keep up the good work and I’m sure you’ll be pregnant very soon!” CHECK! By this time we had decided to move from Durban to Johannesburg. This meant settling in, finding our way around, and of course, sourcing Gyn/Obs #2. To be continued…

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