3rd Beta

88.

Not the best number I have ever seen.  My doc has said that I should expect the numbers to plateau over the next few days and then drop.  If they don’t I will need a scan for ectopic, if and when it reaches 1000.

Right now I am too tired to be upset.  I have decided to just enjoy the weekend and deal with things when they happen, and not a moment before that.

Next beta on Tuesday.

Beta is in…

Beta 18.  Next beta on Wednesday. 

Yes, I cried.  I am so sad about the number.  My poor little embryo(s) is clutching on by it’s little unformed fingernails.  But.  This is the first time I have been “pregnant” in my life.  In my 6 years of trying.  I know that statistically this won’t see out the first scan.  But it’s there isn’t it?

I had some light pinkish brownish spotting since Friday, and felt a bit nauseous last night and this morning.  I dismissed these symptoms as nothing.  But they weren’t nothing.  They were signs of an early, weak, distressed pregnancy that may never come to be.  But I have 18, dammit, and I am going to cling onto that for dear life. 

 I have gotten this far on prayers alone, so I intend to see it through the same way.  I want to thank every person who has carried me to this point on their words of love, kindness and encouragement.  I am so grateful, you’ll never know how much.  For anyone else out there who is having a tough 2ww, or is staring down some dismal numbers, my mom sent this to me and I am sure you can gain from it as I have:

2 CORINTHIANS 12V9

My grace is all you need, for My power is strongest when you are weak.