TTC Break, Heart to Heart, and Fluffy Giraffe Slippers

So I am on a break. Yeah, right! I went last night and bought a pack of OPK’s, just in case! What makes me think, that after almost 6 years of TTC, it is just suddenly going to work? Geez, I must be either really stooooopid, or really thick-skinned.
I don’t think we ever give up hoping that maybe, just maybe,we are all okay and it can just happen (like a normal person!) Don’t get me wrong though, all that optimism gets served up with a great big dollop of caution. Cautious optimism – that’s what it is. So I am OPK’ing, and who knows, I may just surprise myself. And like Serenity, if that happens, I will eat my hat too. So get those condiments ready people. In the highly likely event that nothing happens, we are fixing for IVF in a month or two. I am more okay with the idea now than a couple of days ago. I have chosen, once again, to listen to the infinitely wise Richard Branson, who once said, “Screw it, Let’s do it!” It is in that spirit that I will be approaching the base of the IVF mountain climb. And when we reach the summit, I will stick in my flag proudly that says, “Mands was here!” Wish me luck.

Over the weekend the Hoff and I had a heart to heart and just got all our feelings and issues out, which was much needed. I stood in the garage in my jammies and fluffy giraffe slippers (will supply photo soon), pouring my heart out, while he tried to fix his bicycle, listen to me rant, and show concern at the same time! The fact is that men and women deal with things so differently, and sometimes we can lose each other along the way. Men tend to want to “fix” the problem, and us ladies sort through things by talking and seeking the support of other’s. The problem here, is that there is no easy fix, no quick simple solution. It’s a tiring, draining, challenging process that may or may not succeed. It’s really important to keep in touch with the way the other is feeling, and to be sympathetic to their fears and concerns. He’s a good man at heart, and I know he’s trying. The decision to do IVF has not been an easy one for either of us to deal with, and it helps to have that support and understanding of the other person.

Last, but certainly not least, I finally met Tam for a cuppa on Saturday. (You may have already read that, over at Peanut’s Journey). I can tell from our very short meeting that she is a wonderful and caring person. It is actually quite amazing to share so many intimate details of our lives with people we have never met, and then to finally meet them face to face. I was a little nervous (as one can be when meeting for the first time), but within a few minutes I was really glad that I went, and felt like I had found a real friend.
The thing is that I have discovered about myself as I get older, is that I have gotten a bit lazy about friendship. Having friends on the Internet is really wonderful, but admittedly, it is a convenience, as there is very little work involved. We type out our feelings and thoughts and edit them to perfection so that others will think we are clever, and witty, and all the other good things we portray online. Nowadays everything is done over sms, IM, e-mail, and blogging with very little direct interaction. It was so refreshing to sit opposite Tam and talk to her in glorious, un-edited real life. If there are others of you out there that live within a reasonable distance, and are able to meet up for a cuppa, I highly recommend it. You may have vastly different lives and backgrounds, but there is one thing that connects all of us, a common thread called infertility. Let’s face it, we could all use a reassuring hug from someone in the same position, that can empathize 100% with whatever we are going through. And who knows, it might be the start of a lasting friendship.


The Big Friendly Giant

I’m not sure how many of you are familiar with the children’s book “The B.F.G.” by Roald Dahl. The storyline goes something like this (quoted from “When orphan Sophie is snatched from her bed by a Giant, she fears that he’s going to eat her. But although he carries her far away to Giant Country, the Giant has no intention of harming her. As he explains, in his unique way of talking, “I is the only nice and jumbly Giant in Giant Country! I is THE BIG FRIENDLY GIANT! I is the BFG.” The BFG tells Sophie how he mixes up dreams to blow through a trumpet into the rooms of sleeping children. But soon, all the BFG’s powers are put to the test as he and Sophie battle to stop the other Giants from tucking into the children of the world.”
This book has always been one of my favourites, and it came to mind the other day when I was posting about my Doc (my BFG). The thing is, I have a lot more in common with the story than I had previously imagined. I could be Sophie (Mands), getting whisked away to Giant Country (Fertility Treatment) by my Doc (The Big Friendly Giant). I am terrified, but my BFG assures me that he is a good Giant and will not harm me. He mixes up dreams (concocting good sperm in a test tube) and blows it through a trumpet (IUI) into the rooms of sleeping children (hopeful mommies-to-be). But soon all the BFG’s powers (IF Treatments) are put to the test as he and Sophie (Mands) battle to stop other Giants (BFN’s, Baby Monsters, Aunt Flo’s) from tucking into the children (hopeful parents-to-be) of the world. It’s a classic, and it really does parallel with what we are going through. We are fighting the odds in a foreign place that none of the Grown-ups (Fertiles) are very familiar with. Not many people know the hidden dangers and pitfalls we face every day in this scarey World of Giants we call Infertlity. Isn’t it marvellous to know that we have our dreams to fall back on, and our very own BFG’s to help us through it? My Doc is not the only Big Friendly Giant in my life either… my DH, my best friend Debs, my mom, my gran, and other family members and friends who are supporting me through this. All of you who regularly pop by to check on me. You are all B.F.G.’s in my book.
Who is your B.F.G.?