So I am on a break. Yeah, right! I went last night and bought a pack of OPK’s, just in case! What makes me think, that after almost 6 years of TTC, it is just suddenly going to work? Geez, I must be either really stooooopid, or really thick-skinned.
I don’t think we ever give up hoping that maybe, just maybe,we are all okay and it can just happen (like a normal person!) Don’t get me wrong though, all that optimism gets served up with a great big dollop of caution. Cautious optimism – that’s what it is. So I am OPK’ing, and who knows, I may just surprise myself. And like Serenity, if that happens, I will eat my hat too. So get those condiments ready people. In the highly likely event that nothing happens, we are fixing for IVF in a month or two. I am more okay with the idea now than a couple of days ago. I have chosen, once again, to listen to the infinitely wise Richard Branson, who once said, “Screw it, Let’s do it!” It is in that spirit that I will be approaching the base of the IVF mountain climb. And when we reach the summit, I will stick in my flag proudly that says, “Mands was here!” Wish me luck.
Over the weekend the Hoff and I had a heart to heart and just got all our feelings and issues out, which was much needed. I stood in the garage in my jammies and fluffy giraffe slippers (will supply photo soon), pouring my heart out, while he tried to fix his bicycle, listen to me rant, and show concern at the same time! The fact is that men and women deal with things so differently, and sometimes we can lose each other along the way. Men tend to want to “fix” the problem, and us ladies sort through things by talking and seeking the support of other’s. The problem here, is that there is no easy fix, no quick simple solution. It’s a tiring, draining, challenging process that may or may not succeed. It’s really important to keep in touch with the way the other is feeling, and to be sympathetic to their fears and concerns. He’s a good man at heart, and I know he’s trying. The decision to do IVF has not been an easy one for either of us to deal with, and it helps to have that support and understanding of the other person.
Last, but certainly not least, I finally met Tam for a cuppa on Saturday. (You may have already read that, over at Peanut’s Journey). I can tell from our very short meeting that she is a wonderful and caring person. It is actually quite amazing to share so many intimate details of our lives with people we have never met, and then to finally meet them face to face. I was a little nervous (as one can be when meeting for the first time), but within a few minutes I was really glad that I went, and felt like I had found a real friend.
The thing is that I have discovered about myself as I get older, is that I have gotten a bit lazy about friendship. Having friends on the Internet is really wonderful, but admittedly, it is a convenience, as there is very little work involved. We type out our feelings and thoughts and edit them to perfection so that others will think we are clever, and witty, and all the other good things we portray online. Nowadays everything is done over sms, IM, e-mail, and blogging with very little direct interaction. It was so refreshing to sit opposite Tam and talk to her in glorious, un-edited real life. If there are others of you out there that live within a reasonable distance, and are able to meet up for a cuppa, I highly recommend it. You may have vastly different lives and backgrounds, but there is one thing that connects all of us, a common thread called infertility. Let’s face it, we could all use a reassuring hug from someone in the same position, that can empathize 100% with whatever we are going through. And who knows, it might be the start of a lasting friendship.