My! What Sad Looking Fish You Have There!

Well that was an anti-climax. Went to my BFG (sweet as honey, as usual) for my CD 12 scan. One follicle looking as plump as a ripened peach. Plenty secondary follicles. Lining, dismal. At 12 days it should be at least 10mm, and it is sitting at a disappointing 7mm. Nothing is simple hey.

When I first start reading other people’s blogs, I would see a long history of treatment, with IUI on Clomid, IUI on injectables, IVF, FET, IFV with ICSI, and so on. Although I too was doing some form of treatment, I was only on a very light dose of Clomid. I always thought, “Shame, these poor women that have to go through all this other horrible stuff.” It was a very fishbowl mentality. Me standing on the outside of the fishbowl looking in at the sad looking fishies. Now I am beginning to realise that I am right in the fish bowl with everybody else. I am not special. Nothing sets me apart form other people going through IF treatment.
Now I am facing the reality that I may have to do a third IUI with injectables, as the lining may not support the implantation process this time around. Apparently in addition to side effects like turning me into a tazmanian devil, Clomid can also cause thinning of the uterine lining, which is not good for implantation. My BFG, being the big sweet goof that he is, tries to comfort me by saying, “I don’t like to scare you by telling you my concerns, but I feel you must know what’s going on… it doesn’t mean you won’t fall pregnant this time.”
The thing is that it’s becoming a lot more real to me, and far more daunting. It sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself, and probably because I am. I know there are some of you thinking that I haven’t even touched the tip of the iceberg…. I haven’t – I don’t want to. I am not ineterested in scaling the summits of infertility. All I want is a BIG. FAT. POSITIVE. And a happily ever after. Is that too much to ask?

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6 thoughts on “My! What Sad Looking Fish You Have There!

  1. Baby Blues says:

    My follicles are growing sluggish too! Frustrating.
    I know what you mean. The thought of going to the Big League scares me. I don’t think I have the courage to go through that yet.

  2. Venusuvian Debs says:

    Courage!!! You will both see that when you need the strength, it will be there! It is human nature to surmount whatever life throws your way and you will have the courage, when you need it!!

  3. Bumble says:

    Hey Mands, I know its daunting and scary. When I did IUI with injectibles, I definitely though it would work within the 4 he set for me. I NEVER thought I’d end up going for IVF. But now that I’m here, I’m ready for it, and excited by it. Its going to be the closest I get to a normal chance of conceiving a baby (hopefully). When and if that time comes, you’ll be fine with it, but I really hope it DOESN’T come to that. (You too Baby Blues).

  4. Bea says:

    Ah, you see *I*, on the other hand, am steadily trying to work my way towards the *most dramatic fertility story ever*. Not.

    Nah, we all want to get off as easy as we can. 7mm isn’t *too* bad in some people’s books, though, so here’s hoping the pessimism is unfounded.

    Fingers crossed as ever.

    Bea

  5. Mands says:

    LOL Bea, you bever fail to amuse!

    I am sorry for all the whining. This stuff gets me down sometimes. Yesterday I went home and got my mind right. Only positive thoughts from now on…

    Thanks for the encouragement when I really need it.

  6. Mands says:

    I mean “never”… man my typing is ba-a-a-ad!

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