This is the post I wrote last week Wednesday – was having trouble with my laptop so didn’t get to posting it:
The reason Harry and Sally have been so quiet is simply that they are no longer with us. When they slipped away I cannot be sure, but I started bleeding today and got confirmation through a negative beta. To tell you the truth I conned myself that this cycle had worked but I had none of the symptoms of my first “pregnancy” – I just put it down to each time being different. In hind sight though, I think I knew. It’s amazing what we will lead ourselves to believe in the name of hope.
I am truly sick and tired of this, and I don’t know that I could do it again. To top all that, I have developed some kind of infection due to the immune suppression with IVIg and that is making me feel like death.
In light of all this I’m sure you’ll forgive the flat nature of this post. I am not at my best right now. I am angry, frustrated, disappointed and upset. What the hell is wrong with my body? What is wrong with me?
Rest In Peace Harry and Sally, two of my many bubbles of hope that never came to be. 😦
As you may be able to tell, I was not happy writing this post. I am feeling a little better now. It’s time for a rest, to celebrate Christmas and put this year behind us. Next year will bring it’s own set of challenges I am sure, but I am not getting into that now. Now is a time for rest and reflection to revive the spirits and rekindle the faith that I will have a family someday. Hopefully sooner rather than later.