Life’s a Journey

Thanks for all your comments.  I am still around and very well, thank you for asking.

I have really been on a journey of discovery in the last year, and have realised a few things.  The one thing that has really stood out to me is that while I was burying myself in my “infertility” and anguishing about my demise, the rest of the world carried on living.  (part of that has been this blog, which, whilst it has been a source of great support and healing, has also been a crutch that has not aided my “healing” as much as I thought) 

Life was happening while I was trying to get mine started.  I said things to myself internally like, “I’ll be happy when I fall pregnant” or “All I need is a family to make my life complete” or “I’ll start living when my IVF finally works.”  What I didn’t realise is that life does not come with a pause button. 

It’s like stepping out of the movie midway to buy popcorn.  You stand in the queue, waiting.  When you finally get back into the movie, you have missed some really important bits and the rest of the viewing audience have moved on without you, nary an explanation of what you didn’t get to see.

This little eye-opener was responsible for my last post about adoption.  I realised that while I sit on the side line waiting for things to go my way, life is merrily passing me by, like a frivolous child on a merry-go-round, laughing joyfully as it passes. 

So I have started living.  I have taken up golf lessons, which were a blast by the way!  And I have started learning to play the guitar, something I have wanted to do since sitting at my dad’s feet as he played when I was growing up. 

I have finally got my genetics tests back and it looks like the Hoff and I have very similar-looking DNA.  This means that with my upcoming FET I will be doing IVIg.  I am going in for my first scan on Monday and then we are on the bicycle again, so to speak. 

The outcome of the FET is entirely in God’s hands – I am relinquishing all control.  If it works I will be over the moon.  If not, I will embark on a new journey to “find” the baby that has been set aside for me.  Either way I am very excited about what life has in store for me.  I am not going to waste a minute worrying about an outcome I have no influence over.  The best I can do is be thankful each day for my present blessings.

Thanks to Natalie for all her advice and adoption story.  Thanks to everyone else for your encouragement and care.  The adoption route may mean that we will be a mixed race family and that is a big deal in a country that has been torn apart by racial hatred in the past.  We are prepared for this, and we know that the people that mean the most to us will support us no matter which way our journey takes us.

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7 thoughts on “Life’s a Journey

  1. Bumble says:

    Hey Mands, great to hear from you I’ve been wondering how you were doing. You sound wonderful and in a really good place at the moment… So happy for that… I wish you the best of luck with your upcoming FET and pray it brings you the child you so long for… and if not, then I know that your baby is still out there waiting for you to find him or her. lots of love xxx

  2. Bea says:

    This is a great post. I am so glad you have reached this place. It doesn’t mean the road from here on in will be easy, but it’s great to get past the feeling that life is on hold just because it’s not unfolding in the way you’d planned. I hope the end result of life’s twists and turns is even more beautiful than what you imagined.

    Bea

  3. samcy says:

    You sound like you’re in a good place Manz… wishing you all the best for the upcoming FET!!! (And / or adoption) What you’ve said in this post is so true – cos life does carry on regardless of where we are in our journeys… the trick is to enjoy the ride while still keeping our eyes on the goal…

    Thinking of you!
    xxx

  4. Samantha says:

    I’m glad to hear from you too! Sometimes it does seem like life should pause while we get things figured out, but it just keeps on going forward. I’m glad you’re finding your place back in life again and doing some fun things. Best of luck with the FET!

  5. Anla says:

    Great to hear from you. I was wondering how you were. Sounds like you are in a good place emotionally and on track for new changes in life. I too am starting to learn how to play guitar. Good Luck!

  6. Sarah says:

    hurray!!! how wonderful!! i hope the appointment went well and am so optimistic for you!!

  7. fromheretomaternity says:

    I will be thinking of you ((hugs)).

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