I close my eyes… I am in an empty room with high pressed ceilings and dusty lace curtains. The floorboards creak beneath my feet, and a swirl of dust floats up like a ghost with every step I take. I feel a little chill run through my spine, and an uneasy feeling of not belonging here seeps through me. On the floor I see torn, faded motifs and pictures that could have come from a nursery – but there was never a cause for that. The pale pink paint is now grey and patchy and bits of it lie in little heaps on the floor. Suddenly it occurs to me… I am back in my blog.
The last few months have felt like an eternity. I have shunned everything infertility related. I have been surrounded by pregnancy and birth, as well as loss and I have managed to keep a respectable distance from all of it. I have done a fabulous job of seperating myself from the feelings I have carried with me for so long, that now I almost feel normal. Almost.
Yet there are still questions swilling in my head. Do I go ahead with lap no. 4? Do I skip begin and just do the FET? Or should I jump right ahead to adoption…. aaaaah, so many questions and no-one can tell me which adventure will end happily.
Stay tuned for the next gripping episode – which path will I choose? No-one can possibly know how this will end.
BTW: This place could use a bit of renovation.