Choose your own adventure…

I close my eyes… I am in an empty room with high pressed ceilings and dusty lace curtains.  The floorboards creak beneath my feet, and a swirl of dust floats up like a ghost with every step I take.  I feel a little chill run through my spine, and an uneasy feeling of not belonging here seeps through me. On the floor I see torn, faded motifs and pictures that could have come from a nursery – but there was never a cause for that. The pale pink paint is now grey and patchy and bits of it lie in little heaps on the floor.  Suddenly it occurs to me… I am back in my blog.

The last few months have felt like an eternity.  I have shunned everything infertility related.  I have been surrounded by pregnancy and birth, as well as loss and  I have managed to keep a respectable distance from all of it.  I have done a fabulous job of seperating myself from the feelings I have carried with me for so long, that now I almost feel normal. Almost.

Yet there are still questions swilling in my head. Do I go ahead with lap no. 4?  Do I skip begin and just do the FET?  Or should I jump right ahead to adoption….   aaaaah, so many questions and no-one can tell me which adventure will end happily.

Stay tuned for the next gripping episode – which path will I choose?  No-one can possibly know how this will end.

BTW:  This place could use a bit of renovation.

9 thoughts on “Choose your own adventure…

  1. Bea says:

    I don’t know what adventure you should choose, but I hope it leads you to a happy ending.


  2. Katie says:

    Glad to see a post from you! I was worried. No matter what adventure you choose, I hope that it brings you the happiness that you so deserve.

  3. samcy says:

    Manz, been thinking about you a LOT of late. Glad to see you back in the blog 🙂 I wish I knew which adventure would turn out the best – but I’m rooting for you whatever you decide!

    Take care honey!

  4. V says:

    Glad to see you back. I wish you much joy with whatever path you choose.

  5. Carlasue says:

    So glad you checked in! I hope you continue to update us. I hope whatever path you pursue next brings you peace and joy. Hugs to you.

  6. Chanti says:

    Hey Mands,
    I have been checking back on you for a while. Glad to see that you are still around. Could I just say that you really have a way with words… And I so understand those feelings you so aptly described. I even went as far as deleting my blog… I couldn’t read about the past any more. But for you I pray that you will find an answer and maybe your adventure will have a little of all you discribed. But most off all I pray that it will be an adventure worth repeating because the conclusion was so worth all you had to endure up till now.
    May you and hubby be blessed whatever direction your adventure takes you.

  7. Delenn says:

    Hi Mands,

    Good to see you again! Whatever adventure you choose, just remember BB’s are here with you!

  8. Natalie says:

    We adopted a little girl 3 months ago and have not looked back! She is the joy of our lives, so worth the wait and we love her like I gave birth to her!

    Please mail me if you want to chat or if you want more advise!

    Big hugs and blessings

  9. Natalie says:

    Sorry I posted this comment under the wrong entry! Forgive me…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s