It has been an early winter in a lot of ways. The failure of my second IVF heralded the leaves turning gold and crimson in February already. Losing my little doggy Amber saw them breaking loose and floating to the ground, leaving the grand old trees naked in the wind by April.
And it really has been an early winter. It got cold rather suddenly. Before we had a chance to shop for leggings and leather jackets, there was a distinct bite in the air.
I haven’t had a lot to say recently either. After my own personal early winter, I was rather unsure of my next move. I was reading at Mel’s post about a favourite book of hers. She read all but the last page, fearing that after the last page was read, the book would be over for her forever. “I loved this book so much that I always refused to read the last page because I thought that if I didn’t read it, the book didn’t end. I am terrible with endings.”
I suppose I feel the same about treatment at the moment. The longer I leave it the longer it won’t be “the end” for me either. The idea that I still may be a mom is more appealing to me than reality at the moment. I am getting plans together rather slowly for blood tests and such, but drawing it out as long as I can. I am delaying the inevitable, really. I mean the outcome is the outcome, whether now or in six months.
I am just enjoying not thinking about it, is all. I guess I didn’t want to bore you either with the non event that is my life at the moment. I am not one of those people that fills the awkward silences. I am ususally the person that creates them.
The good news is that we got a new puppy so that Jasmine wouldn’t be the only four-legged “person” in the house. Our new addition, Emma, is a chocolate mini dachshund, and she has already stolen our hearts. She is cheeky and confident, unlike Amber who was timid and so gentle. I am glad they are so different because it helps me to remember Amber for her own special qualities.
I will post some pics soon, and keep you updated on the progression of my eternal blood tests.
I have been slow to comment – although I have been reading your posts. So I don’t expect a flood of comments. If you read and move on, that’s okay with me. As long as you’re still out there.