Looks like an early winter… for us.

It has been an early winter in a lot of ways.  The failure of my second IVF heralded the leaves turning gold and crimson in February already.  Losing my little doggy Amber saw them breaking loose and floating to the ground, leaving the grand old trees naked in the wind by April. 

And it really has been an early winter.  It got cold rather suddenly. Before we had a chance to shop for leggings and leather jackets, there was a distinct bite in the air.

I haven’t had a lot to say recently either.  After my own personal early winter, I was rather unsure of my next move.  I was reading at Mel’s post about a favourite book of hers.  She read all but the last page, fearing that after the last page was read, the book would be over for her forever. “I loved this book so much that I always refused to read the last page because I thought that if I didn’t read it, the book didn’t end. I am terrible with endings.”

I suppose I feel the same about treatment at the moment.  The longer I leave it the longer it won’t be “the end” for me either.  The idea that I still may be a mom is more appealing to me than reality at the moment.  I am getting plans together rather slowly for blood tests and such, but drawing it out as long as I can.  I am delaying the inevitable, really.  I mean the outcome is the outcome, whether now or in six months.

I am just enjoying not thinking about it, is all.  I guess I didn’t want to bore you either with the non event that is my life at the moment.  I am not one of those people that fills the awkward silences.  I am ususally the person that creates them.

The good news is that we got a new puppy so that Jasmine wouldn’t be the only four-legged “person” in the house.  Our new addition, Emma, is a chocolate mini dachshund, and she has already stolen our hearts.  She is cheeky and confident, unlike Amber who was timid and so gentle.  I am glad they are so different because it helps me to remember Amber for her own special qualities. 

I will post some pics soon, and keep you updated on the progression of my eternal blood tests.

I have been slow to comment – although I have been reading your posts. So I don’t expect a flood of comments.  If you read and move on, that’s okay with me.  As long as you’re still out there.

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15 thoughts on “Looks like an early winter… for us.

  1. JJ says:

    Always here to read when you post–you are one of the first blogs I EVER read, so you’ve got me for life, hun.
    Thinking of you always, and congrats on the new canine addition!

  2. Leah says:

    I’m here. I read, and I care. Congratulations on your new four-legged friend. Sending you lots of hugs…

  3. Sticky Bun says:

    still here, still hoping for an early spring. Congrats on the new puppy-can’t wait to see photos!

  4. charne says:

    Glad you got little emma cannot wait to see her 🙂 take care

  5. Elize says:

    So glad you posted! I almost sent you an email asking what’s up? It’s been two months!! But decided against it, I don’t want to sound pushy!

    Your winter may have arrived early, but spring will come and with it new life and renewed hope!

    We often have a desire to give up in the hope that the dream will continue and we would not have to face the feared outcome and in a sense not reading the last page, but we can never predict what the outcome will be. I also tend to stretch things out because I have this fear that I will have to face a childless future and the longer I can postpone the final and most devastating heartbreak the better I think it will be for me.

    Can’t wait to see piccies of your new baby. She sounds adorable!

    Luv and hugs
    Elize

  6. Jessica says:

    Congrats on the new puppy! I am so sorry for all that you’ve been dealt in the past few months.
    I completely understand what you are saying, that to push forward and get an answer isn’t easy. My husband and I felt like this: He had a testicular biopsy on 4/25, the result of which is that he can never father a child. The week between the biopsy and the results I dreaded being told the results, because I would rather have hope than know that there was none. Hang in there 🙂 *hugs*

  7. Bea says:

    Congrats on your new addition, and yes, being so different is good.

    Hope spring rolls around as soon as you’re ready.

    Bea

  8. Kenna says:

    Congrats on the new lil’ puppy! What an awesome addition.

    I hope spring is right around the corner for you. Hang in there, lots of (((hugs))) sent your way.

  9. Sarah says:

    welcome Emma! look forward to seeing pictures of the little pup when you get around to it.

    early winter stinks. i hear you on the delay, but hope you find a way to bring some warmer spirit into the days in between. to me that’s the main point of letting time stretch on – to enjoy it for a change while you’re focus isn’t stuck in the same old place.

  10. Anla says:

    Still reading, still commenting when I find time to comment at all. I will read as long as you continue to post. Hang in there hun.

  11. Leah says:

    Just wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking about you. xo

  12. Faith says:

    Checking in and hoping that you’re doing okay. Post an update when you get a chance.

    Faith
    xoxo

  13. Katie says:

    Also checking in. . . Hoping you are doing all right.

  14. Carlasue says:

    Just wanted to check in and say I’m thinking of you. Hope you are doing well. Let us know what you are up to when you feel up to it. Hugs to you!

  15. maricel says:

    Hi! I came across your site. I just want to know how you are doing right now and what have you been doing during your TTC break. I’m past my 2WW but I’m not testing anymore.

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