To Fet or not to FET, that is the question

It’s been hard to think about coming here.  I have so many thoughts and none at all.  Surrogacy, adoption, donor sperm…  FET, a third IVF, life after all of this….. with a baby…. without.  It’s mind-numbing.

I finally had to face my demons on Easter Friday whilst walking through the mall looking for someplace to have breakfast.  Coming towards us from the opposite side was… wait for it… my neighbour!  And her new baby!  I choked, my chest started to close and my mouth went dry.  I cracked a sheepish smile and squeaked a hello.  And you’ll never believe it: the baby wasn’t half as scary as I had made him in my mind.  He was cute and tiny and sleeping angelically in his pram (stroller).  It was almost nice.  The weird thing is that these people are blissfully unaware of all the emotional baggage that comes with struggling for years to conceive, so the conversation was light and whimsical.  Which was fine.  Really.

On the IF front, I have re-checked my thyroid and prolactin, for a laugh.  (Still waiting on the results)  I am still undecided about the FET, and I am taking my time deciding when we will do it.  I guess you could say that I am prolonging it so I won’t have to feel sad again so soon.  Not ready for that yet.  Also, once the FET is done and dusted, and is hasn’t worked (hypothetically) I am not ready for a future with no Lucrin, stims or daily scans.  I am not ready to just fly by the seat of my pants with no big expensive Plan D, E or F in the curtains.  So I am delaying the FET for as long as possible right now. Maybe May or June or even July – when I am good and ready. 

Please pray for Charne, who got one embie and is hoping for a 5 day transfer.  Also Annie, who has lost her baby at 7 weeks.  These girls are both South African as far as I can tell, so they are my homegirls, and they both need your prayers right now. 

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7 thoughts on “To Fet or not to FET, that is the question

  1. Bea says:

    Glad the baby meeting wasn’t scary. It’s funny how we always build these things up into more of a monster than they are. I hope the FET decision works out the same. It’s very comforting to know what your next plans are, but on the other hand, it’s hard to commit to them until you’re actually in the situation, so a tricky one for sure.

    Bea

  2. JJ says:

    Im dreading an upcoming baby meeting–so this post makes me feel better. I will just take a deep breath and go with the flow!

    Thinking of you as you make decisions on what to do next…

  3. samcy says:

    Hmmm, life sure loves to throw us them curve balls doesn’t it? Glad the meeting was not as bad as you expected Mands. On the to FET or not to FET front, I am no help at all, but can say that you will make the right decision for you when you are ready to make it.

    And when you do make that decision, we’ll be there for you to help you through it.

    HUGS!
    Sam
    xxx

  4. Tam says:

    Oh chicken, I am so sorry that you are still battling with these decisions, it almost seems easier to put the world on hold while we decide isn’t it? But then it’s not either….sigh!

    Ultimately, you will do the FET and it’s just the timing that you need to figure out. FET’s do work so we wont even go the hypothetical route for now 🙂 You’ll know in your heart when you are ready for the next step, whatever it may be.

    I’ll be here with you sweetie, all the way till the end and hoping and praying that the end comes really soon and that you find peace.

    Love and big hugs xxx

  5. Sticky Bun says:

    Wishing you the best with these decisions. They’re so hard, but I wish you much strength as you decide what direction to head.

  6. charne says:

    all these decisions are so difficult!

    i have never had any embryos left to freeze so i can only imagine how much you must want to do the FET but also understand why you want to wait to do it

    I find it so hard not to have back up plans if my treatment fails, i find it hard to sit back and let things just happen, guess i like been in control

    i really hope and pray you find the strength to get through this and that your FET will be a sucess

  7. Sarah says:

    you seem to remain so level-headed, as always, about these things. sometimes a non-decision is the smartest decision you can make.

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