Hypnotic

My session with the hypno was a mixed bag.  She is a lovely woman, and we had a really funny conversation about what fertility treatment does to the ol’ sex life. (We’ll keep that between her and I) 😉

The first time she tried to “put me under” I had a panic attack due to the fact that I couldn’t breathe. I have had a chest cold for the last week, but didn’t want to miss the appointment! So when she started with the guided meditation I was breathing through my nose, rather inefficiently.  I was trying so hard to concentrate on what she was saying but all I could think about was the fact that I was busy suffocating!

After much heaving and coughing I calmed down and we got on with it.  It was very relaxing and she basically just talked me through some of the ideas I have about myself which are untrue or distorted.  Such as the fact that I doubt my body’s ability to cope with pregnancy.  Don’t ask me where this idea comes from but it is there.  She also gave me a technique to help me to get to sleep quicker, and it actually worked.  (Very similar to the Body Brilliance CD that I already listen to)

On the fertility front – I am in limbo right now.  I am looking into adoption and surrogacy in the meantime.  Call it my plan B in the event that my FET doesn’t work.  It’s too hard being absolutely positive about a cycle when deep down you know that it may or may not work.  For me it is emotionally safer to go into a treatment with a backup plan than to just assume that I won’t be needing one (mistake in IVF 2).  For now I am just enjoying not doing anything, and living a little.  You forget what it’s like to have a normal day without watching everything you eat and drink, or living in constant uncertainty about the outcome of a cycle.  And it’s quite refreshing not to.

***

Congratulations to Dawn at Nearly Dawn on her little Jim; and Seussgirl at One Day Two Day with little Nathaniel and Joseph.  In the dark that is infertility, these ladies are our glimmer of hope.   There are a few more of you out there about to “pop” – I wish you safe and wonderful birth experiences.  My condolences to those who have lost their precious babies – my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. 

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4 thoughts on “Hypnotic

  1. Bea says:

    It’s hard not to doubt your body in every way when it’s failed you in this, so far. I hope the hypnosis helps, the cold goes away, and the path ahead becomes clear.

    Bea

  2. stephanie says:

    I have to update my bloglines with you new blog site. I have totally missed so much with you. I have to read to catch up!!

  3. A back-up plan is vital to maintaining your sanity, at least in my experience. Sometimes telling yourself “I have a plan” and “no matter what, I will be ok” can help you through some dark moments.

    XOXO

  4. Bumble says:

    Hi Mands, I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time lately and I truly pray that the plan ahead works out for you, I know how long you’ve been at this and how strong you are (even though you don’t feel it). Thinking of you x

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