I am sorry for my brief leave of absence. I am struggling to come to terms with the cycle, for a number of reasons.
1. I keep getting told that there is no real problem, and that all the known problems have been fixed.
2. It wasn’t supposed to fail. I should be pregnant now.
3. We have run out of money. One of the resources we were relying on to pay for IVF 2 has “fallen through”, so we haven’t even paid for that one yet – no idea dow we are going to fund the FET. Or the extra blood tests that the doc has recommended, amounting to more than R12 000.
4. The Hoff is tired and frustrated and wants to stop treatment. I would shrivel up and die. But with no more money, we don’t really have a lot of options right now.
So I have been processing all of this, and crying a lot, and avoiding you, and the rest of the world as well. It’s easier sometimes. Trying to come up with a solution, but money is a big factor for those of us who don’t have the support of our medical insurance. I am not ready to give up on my own body’s ability to bear children. Not yet. I have started looking into adoption though. Just in case.