Beta 30.5. (Like the .5 makes any difference at all).
My very short lived pregnancy is finally coming to an end. I was given the facts and the figures, and yet I hung on. And now it’s over. The numbers don’t lie, unfortunately. And staring hard at the lab results doesn’t change them, I discovered. Wondering if they mixed your test up with someone elses doesn’t, either. The HCG is dropping and my sweet little embryo (fetus?) really is giving up the fight now. I feel strangely alone.
Things I am Grateful for:
1. I can actually conceive, albeit with
some a lot of assistance.
2. I never got to scan stage. No D&C for me.
3. We will try again. Soon.
4. My friends and family (near and far), fellow bloggers: those I know, and those whose names have appeared in my comments for the first time.
5. Prayer. It got me through this very trying time.
Things I am sad about:
1. Having to do another IVF.
2. Not ever having seen my “baby”. Not even a heartbeat.
3. Knowing that there was nothing I could do to save him/her.
4. Waiting two whole months until we start again.
5. Having to phone the Hoff and give him the bad news, as well as the rest of my family, who have all been holding their breaths right alongside me.
Today it is raining in my heart. But with rain comes renewal, and clearer, more intense blue skies. I am really looking forward to that. Really.
My “baby” was not yet a fetus, I found this wonderful description on www.babycenter.com of more or less where I am:
Your pregnancy: 4 weeks
How your baby’s growing:
This week marks the beginning of the embryonic period. From now until ten weeks, all of your baby’s organs will begin to develop and some will even begin to function. As a result, this is the time when she’ll be most vulnerable to anything that might interfere with her development.
Right now your baby is an embryo the size of a poppy seed, consisting of two layers: the epiblast and the hypoblast, from which all of her organs and body parts will develop.
The primitive placenta is also made up of two layers at this point. Its cells are tunneling into the lining of your uterus, creating spaces for your blood to flow so that the developed placenta will be able to provide nutrients and oxygen to your growing baby when it starts to function at the end of this week.
Also present now are the amniotic sac, which will house your baby; the amniotic fluid, which will cushion her as she grows; and the yolk sac, which produces your baby’s red blood cells and helps deliver nutrients to her until the placenta has developed and is ready to take over this duty.