Beta 18. Next beta on Wednesday.
Yes, I cried. I am so sad about the number. My poor little embryo(s) is clutching on by it’s little unformed fingernails. But. This is the first time I have been “pregnant” in my life. In my 6 years of trying. I know that statistically this won’t see out the first scan. But it’s there isn’t it?
I had some light pinkish brownish spotting since Friday, and felt a bit nauseous last night and this morning. I dismissed these symptoms as nothing. But they weren’t nothing. They were signs of an early, weak, distressed pregnancy that may never come to be. But I have 18, dammit, and I am going to cling onto that for dear life.
I have gotten this far on prayers alone, so I intend to see it through the same way. I want to thank every person who has carried me to this point on their words of love, kindness and encouragement. I am so grateful, you’ll never know how much. For anyone else out there who is having a tough 2ww, or is staring down some dismal numbers, my mom sent this to me and I am sure you can gain from it as I have:
2 CORINTHIANS 12V9
My grace is all you need, for My power is strongest when you are weak.