Beta is in…

Beta 18.  Next beta on Wednesday. 

Yes, I cried.  I am so sad about the number.  My poor little embryo(s) is clutching on by it’s little unformed fingernails.  But.  This is the first time I have been “pregnant” in my life.  In my 6 years of trying.  I know that statistically this won’t see out the first scan.  But it’s there isn’t it?

I had some light pinkish brownish spotting since Friday, and felt a bit nauseous last night and this morning.  I dismissed these symptoms as nothing.  But they weren’t nothing.  They were signs of an early, weak, distressed pregnancy that may never come to be.  But I have 18, dammit, and I am going to cling onto that for dear life. 

 I have gotten this far on prayers alone, so I intend to see it through the same way.  I want to thank every person who has carried me to this point on their words of love, kindness and encouragement.  I am so grateful, you’ll never know how much.  For anyone else out there who is having a tough 2ww, or is staring down some dismal numbers, my mom sent this to me and I am sure you can gain from it as I have:


My grace is all you need, for My power is strongest when you are weak.


20 thoughts on “Beta is in…

  1. Tam says:

    Oh Mands, I am so so sorry. I am here for you when you want to chat, I know it’s too soon now.

    I am still hoping for your little miracle, hoping and praying so hard that it just implanted late and your next number will be just perfect. Yes, have faith…you are pregnant until proven otherwise.

    Hugs my dear friend xxx

  2. Chantel says:

    Hi Mands,
    Your gran informed of your beta earlier today. Honey I am praying with you that this will pull through. I understand very well this feeling since before I got my second beta I was also pregnant for the first time in my life. So much so that smells started affecting me… I even got a positive on two HPT… I am praying that you and your embies will be covered in the Blood of Jesus and that you will be able to testify of this miracle He has done for you. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love

  3. Seussgirl says:

    Praying for you, sweetie!

  4. JJ says:

    PRAYING, and HOPING! What a fighter you have in there=)

  5. Samantha says:

    May your embryo hang up tight! I’ll be thinking of you.

  6. Samantha says:

    I meant: May your embryo hang on tight!

  7. Mel says:

    I’m just sending many good thoughts.

  8. Somebody’s gotta beat the odds. Why not you?

    All my best to you.

  9. Farah says:

    sending my best prayers

  10. jv says:

    I am not being original, but sometimes the odds get beaten… Hoping they get beaten for you…

  11. Leigh says:

    Hey Mands
    Sending you strength and wishes for all the best.

  12. elizabeth says:

    Hang on little embryo! Hoping dearly for you.

  13. Tina says:

    Thinking of you…and hoping you have a tough fighter hanging on in there!

  14. Mary Ellen says:

    Oh Mands,

    I so hope that your little one hangs on in there. Thinking of you sweetie.

  15. Debbie says:

    Hang in there kiddo…. you can do it.

    ((BIGS HUGS))

  16. Kristen says:

    I’m praying for you and your little embie. I really hope this turns out better than expected. XOXO

  17. From Here To Maternity says:

    Hang in there….both of you, and again as always, I’ll be hoping for the best ((HUGS)).

  18. Bea says:

    I’m sorry it’s not a clear positive, but I’m hoping you beat those stats, for what that’s worth. In any case, you’re right – it’s a start, and with luck it will lead to better things at some point in the future, even if that future’s not going to happen straight away. Fingers crossed, keep us updated, and take care.


  19. Bumble says:

    Mands, I’m so sorry about the low number and I’ll continue to pray that we see a miracle with your little trooper. If not, although this is so very hard and disappointing right now, you CAN do this. Your body does know how, you will see your happy ending. Thinking of you xxx

  20. Katie says:

    I will pray with all of my heart that your lil’ embie was just a late implanter (and thus, the spotting).

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