Four Holed Belly Monster

That’s what Debs called me in an sms yesterday… and that is what I feel like. I had the lap done on Tuesday after my trip to Cape Town. Now I am hobbling around like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I am having one of those “Why must it be so hard for me and so easy for other people” days.

I am frustrated that this is my 3rd lap in as many years. I am frustrated that the other two came to nought. I am tired of this game, tired of scars with nothing to show for them. But mostly, I am tired of being tired. I know that this is temporary and that I am just feeling sorry for myself but dammit I think I am entitled to a little self pity now and again.

The Hoff and I have always lived as if we were about to start a family. Whenever we have moved, it has been into a 3 bedroom house (one for us, one for guests, and of course – one for the “baby”). Now we have bought a two bedroom house, because, well – there are no babies to speak of – nor have there been for the last ten years that we have been married. It’s not that we have given up, it’s just that we have resigned ourselves to the fact that for now, we only need two rooms. I have never felt so close to success, but it’s almost like we have had to “go back to begin” in Monopoly speak. And you know what it’s like to be sent back to the start of the game, it’s really frustrating.

Anyway, I am just waffling now. My left ovary is badly scarred and stuck down. The right one is “reasonable” in the doctor’s own words. I have been advised to commence IVF on my next cycle.

I am really trying to be positive about all of this, but I guess being stabbed in the stomach four times might be a bit of a mood killer. I hope to be back to myself by the next post. Thank you for listening.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Four Holed Belly Monster

  1. Fertilize Me says:

    sending you comforting thoughts your way. you are entiltied to self pity for as long as it takes!! hope you will feel a little better after the pain from the lap surgery heals!

  2. Tam says:

    Hey Chicken, been thinking about you. You are sooo enrtitled to feeling sorry for yourself, we all have those days and none of this is fair!!

    I am hoping that your ovaries respond well to the IVF and that things work out well. Roll on IVF!!

    By the way, I think that all you needed to do is move into a smaller house to get Murphy to work his magic!!

    Hugs for you my friend xxx

  3. Leigh says:

    Hey Mands hope this is going to be the one for you and Duane. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of self pity.

  4. Stephanie says:

    hey I don’t blame you for feeling down. geeze, you have been though so much and it isn’t fair dangit! I hope your recovery is swift and you are feeling normal again soon.

  5. Chanti says:

    HEY MANDS,
    A LITTLE SELF PITY GOES A LONG WAY…
    WE NEED IT TO REGROUP AFTER ALL THATS HAPPENED. SO TAKE THE TIME YOU NEED AND GOOD LUCK HOPE YOU HEAL UP GOOD AND WELL AND THE IVF WILL DO THE TRICK. HERE’S TO MURPHY’S LAW ASWELL.

  6. Elizabeth says:

    Sorry it’s so unfair, and hard.

  7. Debbie says:

    Hey Girl, I’m so sorry you are down. Sometimes I read your posts and think I could have written this. You deserve to have a pity party once in a while and it is good to vent.

    I’m thinking of you and wishing you well. I know how frustrating this.

    ((BIG HUGS))
    Deb

  8. Leah says:

    You are fully entitled to a healthy bout of sadness. I’m glad your surgery went well, and will be sending lots of good vibes for a magical upcoming IVF cycle.

  9. Reproductive Jeans says:

    Good to “see” you! Been thinking about you and wondering how its all going…
    Hope that surgery was the ticket to an ALL CLEAR for your upcoming IVF…
    Keep us posted!
    Hugs to you!

  10. Bumble says:

    Hey Mands, glad the lap is over and I hope its the LAST one you need. Onwards and upwards now, bring on the IVF, bub could be on its way before you know it now.
    Hugs x

  11. Sticky Bun says:

    Echoing everyone else–there’s nothing wrong with a little therapeutic self-pity. You’ve been through SO much. But, I really hope that this upcoming IVF cycle is the one.

  12. Baby Blues says:

    Could I join you, I’m having a “Why must it be so hard for me and so easy for other people” day too. But I do believe our day will come. So hang in there.

  13. KarenO says:

    I’m sorry you’re hurting – hope by now it’s all something of the past! At least things are moving in a direction – before you know it you’ll be smack damn in the middle of the IVF cycle – thinking of you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s