The Grand Verdict..

…but first, a little goss!

Can you believe that Britney Spears may be PG again… and she doesn’t know who the father is? Makes me want to spit nails. The Hoff says “Man! That chick is FERTILE!” to which I retort, “Maybe she is just hooking up with REALLY FERTILE MEN!”
Amazing how the undertones are flowing in that little conversation…! And how it immediately pertains to her fertility status, and not the fact that she is irresponsible, or a basket case…

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So I guess you’re wondering what happened with my HSG follow up app. I think the most user friendly way to do this is in point form:

  • Bloods: AMH – Normal; FSH – High; Prolactin – High
  • Loosely translated that means that my eggs are good and there are enough of them, but something else in there is not quite kosher. Suspect: endo.
  • Left bleeding cyst – disappeared.
  • Right cyst – magically appeared from nothing.
  • HSG: Ute looks good, with a clear path to the tubes.

My doc used the phrase ” As likely as rocking horse manure” to describe the likelihood of me fallen pregnant naturally. (funny in a bizarre sad sort of way) He also said, however, that 2007 is the year for me, and that I seem to be very strong considering how long I have been trying. He is a gem.

So I am to wait for my next cycle to start and then book the lap. Yes you read right: lap #3. Yippididoodaaday. The other snag is that I am going to Cape Town during that week, so I may have to either have it a week later, or possibly only at the beginning of September. At this point, I am not too stressed. Whatever will be will be.

This morning, as I was applying my underarm, I gave myself a stern look in the bathroom mirror, and said with a lot of authority “This is your year. You will be pregnant this year, you will have a trouble free pregnancy, and you will have a live baby next year”.

Then… I burst into tears. They were not tears of sadness, they were tears of relief. I had an epiphany this morning, and I finally understood why Baby Blues changed the name of her blog to “I will be Mom”. It’s the power of positive re-enforcement, and of truly believing in something that is not, as though it were. It’s risky, but it’s not like I haven’t risked a lot already.

Try it. You will feel strangely liberated. I am going to tell myself that every morning until I see two lines. Join me.

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To all my online friends, those who have made it and those who are still journeying with me, you have been my strength in times of weakness, and my joy in times of sorrow. One of the main reasons I can hold my head high and rant to myself in the mirror is thanks to you guys. I only hope that I can help you in the same way, and be of some support to you too, whether it be through your first nerve racking treatment, or your first baby scan. I know this is said all too lightly, but I mean it very sincerely when I say that I really care deeply for all of you, even though I have never met most of you. When all this is said and done, you will all have left an indelible mark in my life, and will always have a place in my heart.

I know it sounds uber-soppy, but it’s true.

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21 thoughts on “The Grand Verdict..

  1. Reproductive Jeans says:

    Awwww that is so sweet–we are here with ya girl!

    I will SCREAM if Britney is pregnant again.

    2007 IS YOUR YEAR!

  2. Heather says:

    Thanks. I love this post. I need to do that looking in the mirror thing and tell myself this will happen this year! Baby in 2008. It’s such a nice even numbered year. I’ve started working on putting myself in a positive mode. I posted today a reminder of all the things I do (or need to work on) to fight endometriosis and get my baby! Dairy products and wine are my downfall. Must work harder on those.

    So it’ll be both of us this year!

  3. Inconceivable says:

    I have claim 2007 as my year also!! GO girl!! good luck but i will just have to scream if Brit is pregnant AGAIN – FOR PETE”S SAKE

  4. Baby Blues says:

    You will be mom, Mands! I just know it. πŸ™‚

    Thank you for sharing this journey with me. You and everyone else who believed it will happen, cheered me on and inspired me, you too will always have a special place in my heart.

  5. Samantha says:

    I’m going to have to start using your doctor’s phrase when speaking of unlikely events.

  6. Sarah says:

    woohoo, here’s to your year!!

    can i ask an uneducated question? why do you NEED the lap? if you’re moving on to ivf, i thought that bypassed the endo and made the lap not so essential? this of course comes from my excellent sources in lame buddy groups over the years so i’m probably misinformed…

  7. Bea says:

    Another lap! I’m glad you’re feeling ok about it. I’ll have to try your affirmations.

    Bea

  8. KarenO says:

    I’m glad your tests are going so well. πŸ™‚ and I share your statement of what my friends in the blogosphere has meant to me so far… without them life would be just too damn difficult!

  9. Cibele says:

    Just want to wish you the best of luck with lap number 3. I hope that you fin the answers that you are looking for
    As for the idea for your 10 year anniversary, of course I don’t mind with you use my idea for the 10 pictures and 10 songs. I hope that your DH like is as much as mine did
    Gook luck

  10. Jason and Samantha says:

    ((HUGS)) I will kick BS ass if she is pregnant again. Good lord.

    And I think positive thinking is an excellent tool. I think it helped me. Honestly. You will be pregnant!

    2007 is your year!

  11. Caro says:

    She can’t be pregnant surely? i must admit though I’m starting to wonder if she’s suffering from post-natal depression.

    Anyway I’m raising a glass to it being your year.

  12. Bumble says:

    I hope this is just one step closer to that tiny baby of yours, and you keep telling yourself that, because it is true. You can do this girl. x

  13. Nearlydawn says:

    Awwww – we love you too Mands! You Go GIRL!

  14. Chanti says:

    Hey Mandy,
    Yay for positive reinforcement (aahh.. spelling). I started that to and am waiting for AF so I can go for all my bloods and what follows. We are going to the Celine Dion concert in Feb 2008. I am telling everyone with ears to hear that I will be pregnant sitting in the audiance listening to “A new day” (she wrote this for her baby after conceiving with IVF)… Viva 2007 **fist pumping** Viva…

  15. Sticky Bun says:

    I saw that Britney Spears rumor. It’s f’ing RIDICULOUS! Three times in basically as many years?! Where is the f’ing justice?

    Argh.

    Here’s to a 2008 baby for you, Mands! (For us all, let’s hope!)

  16. Sara says:

    I can’t comment on BS. It’s just too obscene. Why why why why why?

    As for your new attitude-good for you! 2007 is YOUR YEAR!

    Good luck with the lap. I hope it does the trick.

  17. The Town Criers says:

    This will be your year and here is the appletini to toast it. I’m sending good thoughts for the lap. And then IVF!

  18. Pamela Jeanne says:

    It’s the eve of Aug 7 – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

    And after reading your last post, I want to applaud you for your commitment to positive thinking and echo your thoughts about how much it helps to get support from those who know our journey well. Wishing you all the best Mands…

  19. Mary Ellen and Steve says:

    I so hope that this is your year Mands. Good for you on the positive thinking. Maybe I need to try that…

  20. Debbie says:

    I’m with you. I think positive thinking is the key. Congrats!

    Have you seen or read The Secret? It has a lot of what you are talking about in it.

    You will be pregnant this year and so will I.

  21. Matthew M. F. Miller says:

    I haven’t read entertainment news in over 3 months, and my life has been getting better. I can’t handle news like Britney being pregnant again.

    Cosmic jokes just aren’t funny.

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