…but first, a little goss!
Can you believe that Britney Spears may be PG again… and she doesn’t know who the father is? Makes me want to spit nails. The Hoff says “Man! That chick is FERTILE!” to which I retort, “Maybe she is just hooking up with REALLY FERTILE MEN!”
Amazing how the undertones are flowing in that little conversation…! And how it immediately pertains to her fertility status, and not the fact that she is irresponsible, or a basket case…
So I guess you’re wondering what happened with my HSG follow up app. I think the most user friendly way to do this is in point form:
- Bloods: AMH – Normal; FSH – High; Prolactin – High
- Loosely translated that means that my eggs are good and there are enough of them, but something else in there is not quite kosher. Suspect: endo.
- Left bleeding cyst – disappeared.
- Right cyst – magically appeared from nothing.
- HSG: Ute looks good, with a clear path to the tubes.
My doc used the phrase ” As likely as rocking horse manure” to describe the likelihood of me fallen pregnant naturally. (funny in a bizarre sad sort of way) He also said, however, that 2007 is the year for me, and that I seem to be very strong considering how long I have been trying. He is a gem.
So I am to wait for my next cycle to start and then book the lap. Yes you read right: lap #3. Yippididoodaaday. The other snag is that I am going to Cape Town during that week, so I may have to either have it a week later, or possibly only at the beginning of September. At this point, I am not too stressed. Whatever will be will be.
This morning, as I was applying my underarm, I gave myself a stern look in the bathroom mirror, and said with a lot of authority “This is your year. You will be pregnant this year, you will have a trouble free pregnancy, and you will have a live baby next year”.
Then… I burst into tears. They were not tears of sadness, they were tears of relief. I had an epiphany this morning, and I finally understood why Baby Blues changed the name of her blog to “I will be Mom”. It’s the power of positive re-enforcement, and of truly believing in something that is not, as though it were. It’s risky, but it’s not like I haven’t risked a lot already.
Try it. You will feel strangely liberated. I am going to tell myself that every morning until I see two lines. Join me.
To all my online friends, those who have made it and those who are still journeying with me, you have been my strength in times of weakness, and my joy in times of sorrow. One of the main reasons I can hold my head high and rant to myself in the mirror is thanks to you guys. I only hope that I can help you in the same way, and be of some support to you too, whether it be through your first nerve racking treatment, or your first baby scan. I know this is said all too lightly, but I mean it very sincerely when I say that I really care deeply for all of you, even though I have never met most of you. When all this is said and done, you will all have left an indelible mark in my life, and will always have a place in my heart.
I know it sounds uber-soppy, but it’s true.