An Infertile Girls’ Gotta Do What She’s Gotta Do

Whew! A lot has happened since I posted last. Let’s see…

On Sunday night I became an aunty and godmother for the 3rd time (fourth if you count Caleb – although he just calls me Mands, not Aunty Mands!). Little Brayden came into the world a little earlier than expected, with a cute button nose and a shock of fuzzy black hair. I must confess, it all seemed a little unreal to me, until I saw the photo’s. Although I have this nagging ache in my heart that has been there a long time, I could not help but melt at the sight of him. He is my sister’s child, so the only thing for me to do, is love him like my own. Just like his beautiful sister Tyler, my precious godchild, Caleb, and little Mischa. They are all my children, though not from my womb. I was there for two of their births, nurtured them as babies, and watched them grow. The only sad thing about this is that my sister, and my younger brother, live in Cape Town, which is roughly 1400km’s away from me. This means that three quarters of my brood are halfway across the country. Hopefully I will go down in August to meet the new additions and tell them all about their fabulous Aunty Mands and how much she loves them, and probably spend too much money on the little munchkins. I told my sister to get a life-sized photo of me and to keep it in the house to remind the kids that they have an Aunty!

On Monday I went for my first set of bloods (four vials) and on Tuesday for the second lot (two vials). Tomorrow I am off for my HSG, which I have heard nothing but bad things about. Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn. I just want to get it done and move onto the next step. As Tam said, an infertile girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do, and that’s that. I have a very strong feeling that I will be doing another lapscope, and that’s fine too. I have done it twice, and by damn, I can do it again. If it means that I will be closer to success, then so be it.

The house is coming along superbly. The wall and ceiling painting is almost done, and then it’s onto the floors. I guess I should start packing (not my favourite thing.) I have started to clean out all my junk so that I move a minimal amount with me. It’s very gratifying to spring clean one’s life. Out with the old, etc etc.

Just so you know, dealing with the birth of other people’s children has not become easier for me. I have just chosen to focus on my own journey. It keeps the ache under the surface, and keeps me positive. Otherwise I would be crying onto my keyboard all day. And that, dear friends, would simply not do.

12 thoughts on “An Infertile Girls’ Gotta Do What She’s Gotta Do

  1. Samantha says:

    Congrats on the birth of Brayden. I understand the feeling of love with an ache in your heart.

  2. Baby Blues says:

    Good job in keeping the ache under the surface! I wish I could do better in doing that. I love how you’re keeping positive. It’s a good way to start the cycle.

  3. Tam says:

    Yay, the ball is rolling!! Good luck tomorrow, will be thinking of you. Also hoping that you don’t need that lap 🙂

    Congrats Aunty Mands, also wanted to let you know that I think that you are doing a great job in no so easy circumstances.

    Hugs for you xxx

  4. Inconceivable says:

    Congrats Aunty – I have had 2 HSG and although people say they hurt and bad horror stories. Mine didn’t feel that way. Yes, it’s painful for a moment, but my physical hurt did not last long at all- wishing you lots of luck

  5. Reproductive Jeans says:

    Congrats Aunt Mands! And dont worry–the HSG is NOT bad–a bit of cramping, but its over in a flash, and its cool to see the inner workings!

  6. Bea says:

    You sound fantastically strong. Good luck with the test/s (whatever you end up needing) and keep us posted.


  7. Sarah says:

    good luck with the HSG! hope you get to move forward soon.

  8. Heather says:

    Congrats on becoming an auntie again. Good luck on the HSG test. I just had one a few weeks ago. Spillover was good on both sides, but the right was a bit slower than the left. After that, the right ovary was twinging the rest of the month. Makes me think I may have some endo back. We’ve been doing acupuncture and herbs lately, but I’ve been debating on going to the doc and having what would be my third lapscope in 8 years.

    Good luck!

  9. Leah says:

    Congratulations on becoming an Auntie again! Those kids are very lucky to have you.

    I hope your HSG went well today. I had 2 of them. One was a total nightmare, the other was just fine. Go figure. Let us know how you are doing, I’ll be thinking of you.

  10. Chanti says:

    Hey Mands
    Condgrats on becoming and aunty again! Yay for those little miracles, even if it makes you ache. I always wonder if I can love someone elses baby that much, how am I going to feel when I hold my OWN baby oneday! Praying that you won’t need the lap and can move onto IVF asap.

  11. Debbie says:

    Hey Mands, I know what you mean. One of my good friends had a baby this past weekend, she lapped us. Anyway, I’m super happy for her and I’m just focusing on my journey right now. It’s the only way to get threw, for me anyway. I’m happy you have things to focus on. B has his surgery on Thursday and I’m so anxious and excited for it. We are really hoping this will be a turning point for us.

    ((BIG HUGS))

  12. Sticky Bun says:

    I know I’m coming late to the game, but I hope that the bw went well and that things are moving forward!

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