TTC Break, Heart to Heart, and Fluffy Giraffe Slippers

So I am on a break. Yeah, right! I went last night and bought a pack of OPK’s, just in case! What makes me think, that after almost 6 years of TTC, it is just suddenly going to work? Geez, I must be either really stooooopid, or really thick-skinned.
I don’t think we ever give up hoping that maybe, just maybe,we are all okay and it can just happen (like a normal person!) Don’t get me wrong though, all that optimism gets served up with a great big dollop of caution. Cautious optimism – that’s what it is. So I am OPK’ing, and who knows, I may just surprise myself. And like Serenity, if that happens, I will eat my hat too. So get those condiments ready people. In the highly likely event that nothing happens, we are fixing for IVF in a month or two. I am more okay with the idea now than a couple of days ago. I have chosen, once again, to listen to the infinitely wise Richard Branson, who once said, “Screw it, Let’s do it!” It is in that spirit that I will be approaching the base of the IVF mountain climb. And when we reach the summit, I will stick in my flag proudly that says, “Mands was here!” Wish me luck.

Over the weekend the Hoff and I had a heart to heart and just got all our feelings and issues out, which was much needed. I stood in the garage in my jammies and fluffy giraffe slippers (will supply photo soon), pouring my heart out, while he tried to fix his bicycle, listen to me rant, and show concern at the same time! The fact is that men and women deal with things so differently, and sometimes we can lose each other along the way. Men tend to want to “fix” the problem, and us ladies sort through things by talking and seeking the support of other’s. The problem here, is that there is no easy fix, no quick simple solution. It’s a tiring, draining, challenging process that may or may not succeed. It’s really important to keep in touch with the way the other is feeling, and to be sympathetic to their fears and concerns. He’s a good man at heart, and I know he’s trying. The decision to do IVF has not been an easy one for either of us to deal with, and it helps to have that support and understanding of the other person.

Last, but certainly not least, I finally met Tam for a cuppa on Saturday. (You may have already read that, over at Peanut’s Journey). I can tell from our very short meeting that she is a wonderful and caring person. It is actually quite amazing to share so many intimate details of our lives with people we have never met, and then to finally meet them face to face. I was a little nervous (as one can be when meeting for the first time), but within a few minutes I was really glad that I went, and felt like I had found a real friend.
The thing is that I have discovered about myself as I get older, is that I have gotten a bit lazy about friendship. Having friends on the Internet is really wonderful, but admittedly, it is a convenience, as there is very little work involved. We type out our feelings and thoughts and edit them to perfection so that others will think we are clever, and witty, and all the other good things we portray online. Nowadays everything is done over sms, IM, e-mail, and blogging with very little direct interaction. It was so refreshing to sit opposite Tam and talk to her in glorious, un-edited real life. If there are others of you out there that live within a reasonable distance, and are able to meet up for a cuppa, I highly recommend it. You may have vastly different lives and backgrounds, but there is one thing that connects all of us, a common thread called infertility. Let’s face it, we could all use a reassuring hug from someone in the same position, that can empathize 100% with whatever we are going through. And who knows, it might be the start of a lasting friendship.

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17 thoughts on “TTC Break, Heart to Heart, and Fluffy Giraffe Slippers

  1. Bea says:

    First of all, “Screw it – let’s do it,” is the most inspirational quote I’ve heard in a long time. There’s something eloquent about its simplicity that has struck a chord with me today.

    Glad you’re feeling better. Face to face contact does help, and studies show lower levels of anxiety and depression in those who seek in-person support, as opposed to exclusively online support. Of course there are individual differences and circumstances, but we should all be aware of that.

    Bea

  2. Sarah says:

    yeah, infertility isn’t the best fit for male problem solving techniques, it is easy to become disconnected because of how differently we process it. your garage moment sounds great. you’ll be going into IVF as a team, which is so important.

  3. Tam says:

    Glad that you are feeling better about the whole thing Mands, it definately helps that you and the hoff are on the same page. Sometimes it also helps to just get everything out even if you feel like you are just ranting and even when they don’t take everything in, it helps that it been said. I truly hope that we will have a lasting friendship, it’s really good to connect with someone that understands exactly how you feel instead of giving you that blank look that people often do. Hugs for you, praying for that miracle baby!!

  4. Mary Ellen and Steve says:

    I am glad that you are feeling more okay with IVF. It’s also good that you and Hoff were able to talk about everything, and are going to face IVF as a team. I wish you all the best with this natural cycle. I hope that you are very plesantly surprised.

  5. Sticky Bun says:

    I so hear you about our boys–they do want to “fix” things, so IF really runs contrary to their instincts.

    Glad you’re feeling better. I’m basically one IUI behind you, so am starting to have to think about IVF and it is such a big decision. I really hope that you find your break relaxing (and, btw, I would do the same thing with the OPKs–hope springs eternal). And, here’s hoping that IVF#1 is the absolute latest you’ll see your BFP. 🙂

  6. LIW (Lady In Waiting) says:

    It sounds like you have reached a new placein your relationship and in your decision about IF treatments. It must feel good to at least know that you and your husband are on the same page and you now have a plan.

    Good luck!

    I would love to meet you for a cuppa, but something tells me that it would be difficult to arrange….

  7. Baby Blues says:

    I’ll let you know if I’m attending the Worl.d Cong.ress of Anes.thesiologists 2008 in Cape Town. I’d love to meet up for cuppa! Hopefully, we could meet up with our babies in tow. That would be just lovely!

  8. AUNT SASSY says:

    mands–
    loved reading your blog. and i, too, LOVE the Branson quote… my new motto! Glad to hear you and dh on same page… IF can be so rough on marriages. Wishing you the best.

    Sassy

  9. ultimatejourney says:

    I LOVE the “Screw it, let’s do it” quote. Thanks for sharing!

    Your garage chat reminded me of a recent chat with my husband. Like you guys, we deal with things very differently, and sometimes the need to discuss things at great length bubbles up at unexpected times. I don’t think we’ll ever understand each other’s perspectives completely, but it helps to get things out in the open and know that we’re a team.

    I think your cautious optimism is an excellent approach. I look forward to seeing what the future holds for you.

  10. Nicole says:

    Patiently waiting for a photo of those slippers. I have a thing for giraffes.

  11. Reproductive Jeans says:

    Ooo cant wait to see the picture=) I love the quote too! There is always something to be said about holding onto hope–so don’t let go, and hopefully those OPK’s will do the trick. Also, enjoy your break to the max!

  12. Bumble says:

    You never know huh Mands? The only time I ever fell pg was a month before I was due to start IVF the first time (Dec 2005) after 5 years of absolutely sweet FA. I’ll pray for a surprise break baby for you. Anyway, whatever you end up doing, you’ll be great. Glad you and the hoff had a good chat, he sounds like my hubby who always has a quick “SOLUTION” for everything. It drives me crazy!

  13. Mands says:

    You guys really have a way of cheering me up!
    Thanks to all commenters – old and new. When I arrive at work each morning and read your thoughtful comments, my heart warms and I am so glad we made this connection. Even though I may never actually meet most of you, I am eternally grateful for having found you all.

  14. Kellie says:

    Must see giraffe slipper photos soon. Thanks for the great quote – my new mantra.

  15. Baby Blues says:

    I’m grateful for having crossed your path in this wide blogosphere too. Your posts and comments warm my heart and they mean a lot to me. Thanks Mands.

    I finished reading the book you sent in one sitting. I love it! It’s so inspiring, raw and heartfelt. Sorry for a few tears on some pages. I couldn’t even compare my journey with hers. She’s amazing. I’ll send the book to RTT before mailing it to Bea.

  16. Stephanie says:

    Well, if my travels take me to S. Africa I will give you a heads up. If you find yourself in Minnesota or Arizon USA, please let me know! Glad you and Hoff had a heart to heart. I just Jim and I would…having a hard time of it. I just feel like a failure! I always seem to fail at what i think I should be doing. Geeze!

  17. Jason and Samantha says:

    I agree, its always nice to meet someone in person. I just did yesterday, and it was awesome. She tried for awhile, and has a beautiful baby girl now.. :), but I didn’t feel envious for the first time ever, because I knew her background.

    Good Luck, we can hope you don’t need IVF?!

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