Cry Me A River.

*Revised* for easier reading:

I’m back! Thought I’d deserted you, didn’t cha! Well no, I just didn’t have a whole lot to say is all. I don’t want to bore you to tears, when I know you have many other, perfectly valid reasons to cry. Take me, for example. I have many good excuses to turn on the waterworks. Lets review, shall we:

Happy Tears:
1. Faith is pregnant! Very good news! These would be tears of joy.
2. Tertia Albertyn, yes THE Tertia Albertyn replied to a comment I put on her post today. Happy Tears! She has not forgotten us infertiles!
3. Going to see my mom and fam in 3 weeks! Very happy tears.
4. My dear, dear gran celebrated her 70th birthday this year in high spirits and excellent health. Happy tears.
5. The fact that all of you regularly log on and read this blog. Happy tears for all those supporting and loving us, it means a lot.

Sad Tears:
1. Just heard that fertile friend might (oops!) be pregnant. Sad tears.
2. Aforementioned family member now in hospital due to the aftermath of her cancer. More sad, worried tears.
3. Friend of a friend’s mom just had cancerous lump removed from her breast, starting chemo soon. Sympathetic, sad tears. (Relieved that they have caught it and are treating it though.)
4. High price of houses now that we have woken up and decided to buy our own. Tears of frustration. Possible poverty for the next 20 years.
5. Debs struggling with conflicting emotions of secondary infertility. Sad, sympathetic tears. (Secondary Infertiles don’t get the sympathy due to them.)
6. The fact that all of you regularly log on and read this blog. Sad tears , nobody should have to struggle with this.

Whew! That’s a lot of crying, and quite frankly, I don’t have the energy. I have poured all of the teary-eyed items into this post, so that 1) you have some reading material and 2) I feel better having written about it and can save myself the puffy eyes, and splitting headache.

On the IF front:
2ww going well so far, I have no symptoms of the Progesterone. In fact, I have no symptoms of anything at all. Sore Boob Check: Negative. Implantation Cramping Check: Negative. Persistent Hunger Check: Negative. Any Other Signs I Might Fall PG This Month Check: Negative.
And yet, I still feel pretty positive. I really can’t explain it. I think I may have just jinxed myself by saying that – amazing how superstitious IF makes us! I get chain mails that claim that I will have 7 years of bad luck, if I do not send them to ten people . Before, I would have spat in the face of such ludicrous claims. Now, I feverishly try to pick out ten people in my mailing list that won’t be too pee’d off if I send it to them, just so that I don’t get the bad luck. No, that might jinx my cycle, have to forward the spam. Or those ones that promise that if I forward to 5 people or more, someone will phone within half an hour with news I have been waiting to hear. Not likely, I’m not far enough into my 2ww to get that kind of news. However, I pick out five unsuspecting recipients and hit the forward button as fast as I can! (Apparently, if you wait too long to send it, even more bad luck!) Yup, it really messes with your head! That aside, I am ever-hopeful, ever-positive, and holding out for a good outcome. I am keeping it real, though. Don’t think for a second that I am fooling myself. I know that IUI has a very small success rate. BUT… a small success rate is still success, isn’t it?

———-

I thought I would give you another taste of Africa. This one is of ellies in the cool morning, trundling through an old riverbed. It has such a beautiful mood to it. Hope you like it.

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14 thoughts on “Cry Me A River.

  1. Chanti says:

    Hi Mands,
    Sorry to hear about the tears (not the happy ones) in the last weeks I have decided that tears are Gods ointment for sore/broken hearts.
    Holding thumbs for good news on your front. Will still be a long while before I get back on this wagon but in the mean time I cheer you on with pomp pomps going crazy

  2. Reproductive Jeans says:

    Sending you LOTS of positive vibes! I hope that this does work for you so you dont have to bring out the big guns…thanks for your comments on our blog. We hope to get some answers soon! Definitely keeping you in my thoughts!

  3. Debbie says:

    Hey Mands,

    Sorry about all the tears but I’m happy to hear you are doing well and staying positive through the 2ww. We are almost halfway there!! One more week (heavy sigh).

    {Hugs}
    Deb

  4. Bumble says:

    Aaaw Mands, heres a great big bear hug to combat some of those tears. It never rains, it pours, tears that is. I hope you feel better. And as I always say, “Anything different is GOOD” so I hope this 2ww brings you something VERY GOOD at the end of it.

  5. Baby Blues says:

    To more happy tears and less sad tears!
    Hoping for happy tears at the end of the 2ww.

  6. Bea says:

    Superstition seems par for the course, yes. I guess you do tend to clutch at things sometimes.

    Glad you’re feeling positive! It’s such a great feeling. Wishing it to continue.

    Bea

  7. Sarah says:

    thanks so much for your comment on my blog!! your positive vibe is contagious!

    haha, i would be startstuck if tertia replied to me too!

  8. Mands says:

    I was so grateful that she did… I was acting like a dithering idiot!!!

  9. debbie says:

    (twiddling my thumbs) Is it too early to take the test?? argh! Come on can’t this week go any faster??

    Blah,
    Deb

  10. carrie says:

    I’m right there with you with the sad and the happy. Seems like it all comes at the same time, no? And I’m holding my breath for you that this IUI works. It DOES work for people, though. Example: my friend’s sister has adorable twins from her first IUI.

  11. carrie says:

    Just in case it didn’t come across right (damn internet and your ease of misinterpretation), I only gave the example of my friend’s sister to give you hope, not to make you feel bad in any way!

  12. Mands says:

    I am not offended Carrie. People think that because you are only on your first or second IUI that it has been easy so far – I have been TTC for over 5 years now. 2 lapscopes later and many many months of BFN’s trying naturally because everyone said it would happen. It was a long hard road that brought me to my 2nd IUI. I am just glad that she had her happy ending so soon.

  13. Stephanie says:

    I love the pictures!

  14. Tam says:

    Hey Mands,

    Thanks for looking at my blog! Good luck with the 2ww, hope this IUI works for you…we did two – one in Dec and one in Jan…both results in Jan…both neg – what a nice way to start 2007!

    I see you stay in Sandton, what clinic you going to?

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