Whew! That was a real drain on the soul… Good news. I have pulled myself towards myself (great S.African saying) and I am feeling much more positive today.
I have two strategies for getting over myself when I am wallowing in a mud bath of self pity:
Firstly, I think of someone worse off than me. This comes to me in the shape of a family member who is struggling with the aftermath of badly administered radiation treatment, after a very traumatic mastectomy. Simply put, her lymph nodes in her underarm were fried, so no lymph drainage to her left arm. She had to have the arm put into a cast to prevent her from using it and to try to manage the swelling. Consequently, she has lost all movement in that arm which has swelled to about 3 times it’s normal size due to protein build up. Add to that, her bone and flesh in her chest are beginning to fuse together, which I believe is blocking what few glands she has left on that side. The treatment for this does not cure it, only manages her immense and continuous pain. It is obviously very costly. She has two children, and her employers want to board her, as her job involves typing, which she now does with her good right hand only. (She is left handed)
On the other hand, I am healthy as an ox. I have my sight, hearing, and all of my appendages intact. I am “suffering’ with infertility, but have so many treatment options available to me still. The medical aids do not offer support for this problem, but luckily, with a bit of careful budgeting and a bit of begging, borrowing, and maybe stealing 🙂 we will get enough money together to have the treatments done. Once the infertility is cured, the scars will heal, and the pain will be a distant memory. Not so for the above-mentioned person.
Secondly, I adopt an approach that Oprah Winfrey subscribes to. List 5 things daily that I am grateful for. Here goes:
1. My health. No more whining about gym. I am healthy enough to enjoy the benefits of gym, and to make my healthy strong body even more so. I can run, jump, skip and dance.
2. My job. Yes, it can be tedious and boring, but it allows me the finances to persue my dreams, and I get to sit next to my bestest bud all day and talk, joke and laugh with her. (And sometimes cry with her, also a blessing)
3. My age. I am still young enough to try all the options available at minimal risk. And it is a great age, you’re old enough for life to start making some sense, and young enough to still feel young.
4. My Husband. He is a kind, intelligent, hardworking and loyal man. Not perfect, but perfect for me.
5. Blue sky. I maintain that Johannesburg has the best sky in the world. It is mostly an intense blue, with the most amazing cloud formations, and awesome thunderstorms and lightning displays. If I want to feel better about life, I just have to look up.
Of course there are many more things I am grateful for, we’ll save those for another day. For now I am happier, more positive and excited about life. In a mail I received yesterday, there was an anonymous quote that said “Obstacles are what we see when we take our eyes off the goal.” If you don’t see obstacles, you don’t acknowledge their existence, and you don’t give them the power to stop you from reaching your goal, you can only be successful. Schweet.