IUI # 1 – Failed

Spotting, cramping like crazy. AF is well and truly on her way. I feel like my spine is about to slide out of my body and crawl away like a big skeletal earthworm. (That was gross!)
Well, that’s how it feels okay!
So sorry, Baby Blues, to hear about your BFN. I fear I am about to take that road with you. It’s a lonely and scarey place to be. As Smarshy put it so eloquently, “I let that evil woman HOPE into my house again”. She is only evil when partnered with DISAPPOINTMENT. Now there’s an EVIL COW if I ever saw one!

Okay, so the long-feared Aunt Flow has finally arrived and she brought a message: “You’ve failed again. You’re a Big Fat Failure.” Thanks AF, you have a way with words.
I don’t think it’s struck me yet but it’s creeping in slowly. Dammit, now I’m crying. Make-up’s ruined. Life is ruined. I have allowed myself to hope and now it’s ruining me and my makeup. Okay so now it’s struck me.

Please don’t phone me. I can’t talk about this right now. Comments are welcome.

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9 thoughts on “IUI # 1 – Failed

  1. Baby Blues says:

    Oh Mands I’m sorry. Nothing I could say will make it better. This journey sucks! But just know that you’re not alone.

    Hope is what makes us persevere, but it could also make failure hurt even more.

    I really thought this was the cycle. The timing was perfect, my follicle was ripe and Hubby’s parameters were ok. We had high hopes. We were asking ourselves, “What went wrong?” I guess we’ll never know. But we just have to persevere and take a chance again.

    Go ahead and do whatever makes you feel better. Keep in mind “our day will come”.

  2. Mands says:

    Thanks BB, It means a lot to hear that. We seem well synchronized, the two of us. Perhaps we will both be celebrating together in 28 days. Lets look forward to that at least.

  3. Bea says:

    I’m really sorry about your BFN but you are *not* a failure. I hope you can wake up believing that soon. The IUI failed but *you two* did just great.

    I hope you’re ok.

    Bea

  4. Anonymous says:

    Dear Mands
    I am so sorry about the failed IUI. I have been down that road 3 times and failed all three and it doesn’t get easier. We will be going the IVF route in September this year due to the cost, saving and all that. I’m 30 and healthy as a horse DH is sterile, we were doing the donor thing and even with the high motility there… nada, niks, nothing.
    If I had to do it over I would have done 1 IUI and gone straight onto IVF. Something to consider…
    But I wish you strength for the journey you’re on and may hope never fail you, regardless of the suffering it causes us. Without hope I’d go insane. I pray that 9 IVF won’t be needed but I am willing to go there if I need to.
    We will have the joy to hold our own one day… may that day come sooner that later.
    From an understanding co passenger on this emotional roller coaster.

  5. Mands says:

    Thank you all. I am terribly sad today, but as my BF just said, today we grieve, tomorrow we do whatever we can to make things right. I have not given up, and going to Doc on Monday for next cycle. You have all become so special to me in a very short time. I thank God for all of you.

  6. BF Debs says:

    If you need anything I am here….
    A shoulder to cry on
    A listening ear
    A Hanky…No actually don’t have one of those, but lots of tissues…
    I love you Mands. My heart is aching today….I will give it a break and let it ache, but only for today. Tomorrow I will be a ROCK, and I will help you in every way I can, so that hope can be good again.

  7. Mands says:

    Debs, you’ve been a rock today, and I can’t thank you enough for turning a very bad day into a manageable one.

  8. Bumble says:

    Geez Mands, I’m so sorry, you got me in tears too. You are NOT a failure, this whole thing is so damn shit sometimes and it breaks us down in so many ways. You gotta try to keep a tiny bit of hope and faith in yourself, you can do this!

    I agree, perhaps for the costs of a few more IUI’s you may consider just going straight onto IVF? I also had 4 of them and I wish I just saved my money and went straight onto IVF, but I know its expensive there and maybe not what you feel you’re ready for yet. Whatever feels right for you. Good Luck Mands!

  9. Stephanie says:

    So sorry to hear about your neg. I know that it is difficult but I want to encourage you to keep your chin up. Take time to morn this cycle but look ahead to trying again.

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