Birds do it, bees do it…

This two week wait thing is a real drag! The reason why it’s more of a drag than the last 5 years, is that there is actually HOPE! Although I am too scared to hope too much, just in case it turns out to be a BFN (big fat negative).
I have told myself, however, that if it fails, I’ll be okay. I can just dive right into the next cycle. And the next if necessary. Deep down, though, I’m so hoping that won’t be the case because to tell you the truth I have become less immune to my own feelings, and I do think that a part of me will be devastated. This is no pity party, just my honest feelings. Anyone who’s ever struggled to fall pregnant will know how it eventually comsumes you, it becomes an obsession. One day you love babies and mommies and just want to surround yourself with them. News of parents to be is exciting and lovely. The next day you can’t believe how insensitive everyone is, the sight of other people’s children is enough to make you sick and if you hear about one more person that “accidentally” fell pregnant, you will actually vomit. So its a rollercoaster ride of emotions, and no two days are alike. I have realised as well, that people are not mind readers, and can’t sense when I’m having a good or bad day – so I would like to apologise to family and friends for expecting you to just know how I’m feeling on any given day. Of course you don’t – falling pregnant is one of the most basic and natural occurances on earth. Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it! (I think thats how the song goes?) So what’s the problem?
Exhibit A – Mandy: endometriosis (2 lapiroscopies), retroverted uterus (my mom’s also got one – she has 4 kids!), other than that perfectly healthy. Don’t smoke, no inherited diseases, fairly fit, no allergies, no major life-threatening conditions.
Now Hubby: A bit overweight, some insulin issues, underactive thyroid, low sperm motility (not very strong swimmers!). Doesn’t smoke, no inherited diseases, fairly fit, no allergies, no major life-threatening conditions.
I am sure that more than half of all Ethiopians (and other poor, starved nations) out there have far more severe problems healthwise, and yet they are crawling out of every nook and crevice! HIV positives, fat people, thin people, black, white and purple people are all able to do the one thing we cannot: procreate.
We are what the experts like to call “sub-fertile”. The problem with being sub-fertile is that there really is no problem. It is unexplained infertlity. That’s the frustrating part.
Anyway, enough of all this sob-story – we have taken action, and I hope (fingers crossed) that we will be able to join the rest of you in your quest to over-populate the earth very very soon.

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One thought on “Birds do it, bees do it…

  1. Baby Blues says:

    Well said. I also have those good days and bad. Dealing with infertility has changed me in many ways.
    Our last IUI was done with all good parameters, but I still didn’t get pregnant. Dr. N labelled us as having “unexplained infertility”. It could really be frustrating. I just keep on hoping…

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