Artificial Insemination and other cervix related horrors

My cervix is protesting! Something down there is aching and I’m not sure which part of me it is exactly.
I left at 7:10 this morning with the little plastic container between my breasts (doc’s instructions), in the pouring rain. I made my way to Gynomed, and I’ll be honest: I was actually quite excited. It’s the scent of possibility in the air, you know.
After fighting the traffic in Pineslopes, finally got to the Labs, who only opened at 8:00. Eventually there was movement in the reception area, and they opened the doors. Handed in the sample, and went off to get some brekkies. I had an hour and a half to kill whilst hubby’s “little soldiers” were being spun around in a petrie dish down the passage.
When I went back to the lab after my omelette and coffee, I was handed a little test tube with some clear fluid in it. That sperm was sparkling I tell you!
I made my way to the doc’s rooms and they took me through immediately. About half an hour later, the doc came in and instructed me to remove bottoms only and use the blanky supplied. Then he came in with a scarey looking device that resembled a prehistoric bird-beak. This turned out to be a speculum, one of my not-so-favourite-things as it turns out!
With the speculum firmly in place and cranked open, doc returned with a little injection that had a long plastic catheter attached to it, containing the semen. He tried to insert it into my cervix, but Alas! it would not go in. He took it with a forceps and tried inserting it again – still nothing. Thats when all the trickery and instruments started coming out as he tried in vain to insert the catheter. After much ado – and many apologies (as this is only supposed to take a second or two), he came in with a long silver thingy and proceeded to prise open my poor harrassed cervix. I felt a sensation that I have never felt before. It went straight past intense pain to another level. After the trauma left me clutching my lower lower abdomen, the catheter finally went in and the “package” was delivered, so to speak.
Shame, my doc was super sweet and apologetic, saying things like “I’ve never seen something like this before!” and “Tomorrow will be better, I promise.”
I really hope so doc.
I am going home now to beach myself on the couch and recover from today’s ordeal – as tomorrow I’m sure will hold it’s own surprises. Wish me luck.

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