My session with the hypno was a mixed bag. She is a lovely woman, and we had a really funny conversation about what fertility treatment does to the ol’ sex life. (We’ll keep that between her and I) 
The first time she tried to “put me under” I had a panic attack due to the fact that I couldn’t breathe. I have had a chest cold for the last week, but didn’t want to miss the appointment! So when she started with the guided meditation I was breathing through my nose, rather inefficiently. I was trying so hard to concentrate on what she was saying but all I could think about was the fact that I was busy suffocating!
After much heaving and coughing I calmed down and we got on with it. It was very relaxing and she basically just talked me through some of the ideas I have about myself which are untrue or distorted. Such as the fact that I doubt my body’s ability to cope with pregnancy. Don’t ask me where this idea comes from but it is there. She also gave me a technique to help me to get to sleep quicker, and it actually worked. (Very similar to the Body Brilliance CD that I already listen to)
On the fertility front – I am in limbo right now. I am looking into adoption and surrogacy in the meantime. Call it my plan B in the event that my FET doesn’t work. It’s too hard being absolutely positive about a cycle when deep down you know that it may or may not work. For me it is emotionally safer to go into a treatment with a backup plan than to just assume that I won’t be needing one (mistake in IVF 2). For now I am just enjoying not doing anything, and living a little. You forget what it’s like to have a normal day without watching everything you eat and drink, or living in constant uncertainty about the outcome of a cycle. And it’s quite refreshing not to.
***
Congratulations to Dawn at Nearly Dawn on her little Jim; and Seussgirl at One Day Two Day with little Nathaniel and Joseph. In the dark that is infertility, these ladies are our glimmer of hope. There are a few more of you out there about to “pop” – I wish you safe and wonderful birth experiences. My condolences to those who have lost their precious babies – my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time.
Bea Said:
on March 11, 2008 at 3:33 am
It’s hard not to doubt your body in every way when it’s failed you in this, so far. I hope the hypnosis helps, the cold goes away, and the path ahead becomes clear.
Bea
stephanie Said:
on March 12, 2008 at 8:29 pm
I have to update my bloglines with you new blog site. I have totally missed so much with you. I have to read to catch up!!
Lady in Waiting Said:
on March 13, 2008 at 9:49 pm
A back-up plan is vital to maintaining your sanity, at least in my experience. Sometimes telling yourself “I have a plan” and “no matter what, I will be ok” can help you through some dark moments.
XOXO
Bumble Said:
on March 17, 2008 at 3:07 am
Hi Mands, I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time lately and I truly pray that the plan ahead works out for you, I know how long you’ve been at this and how strong you are (even though you don’t feel it). Thinking of you x